how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
