Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize