I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she peed on how many people?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
