Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
