Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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