The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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