I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
