I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
