don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You took a bar mat shot.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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