I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
