if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
