i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
