I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
