you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
