I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
