Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
