Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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