I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
