I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
