its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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