Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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