I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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