Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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