I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
