Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
