she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
