my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
