He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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