What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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