"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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