I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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