if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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