I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
