we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
