Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
