So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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