i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
