mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When are your genitals available?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
