some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
