the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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