and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
