I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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