Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
