Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
