a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
