...so i touched it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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