I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
