Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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