I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
