Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
