I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
