hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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