dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
