I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
