i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
