i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
