How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
