my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will pee on everything he values.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
