is your mom at the bar?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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