3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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