Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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