So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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