I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
