that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
