If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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