My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
