i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
