I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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