You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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