Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
