I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
